Monday, March 10, 2014

Writing

Waka Whakane are learning to describe a 'moment in time' in our writing. We decided to be successful we needed to include descriptions about what we saw, felt, heard, smelt and wondered. On Day One we looked at this amazing photo. We pretended we were the child in the picture.



Here are some of the amazing sentences by authors in Waka Whanake.  
Why do you think these sentences are so effective?


The elephants thump slowly through the grass.  
Kenzi

Above me is the endless sky like a sheet, spread out with a cloud gently floating across the landscape.
Phoenix

I felt like if I stood up I could touch the sky.
Summer


The big jungle fades away behind me as the elephants trudge forward.
Anna

A cloudless sky hovering above the world.
Luke

The blue, endless sky with one lonely cloud looking for a friend.
Wilson


I hear the tremendous BBBRRRR as the herd raise their trunks.
The revolting smell of mud fills the air as we trudge through the paddocks.
Zoey

11 comments:

  1. some wonderful descriptive language - awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I like your description if I closed my eyes and imagined that I think it would be really real

    ReplyDelete
  3. ''wow' 'what an amazing description filled with smileys and describing words

    ReplyDelete
  4. Zoey I liked that you put some sound in it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Zoey what a good sound you put in your story.

    ReplyDelete
  6. good job zoe I like it

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you for sharing your sentences Waka Whanake! They made me 'feel' like was actually on that elephant. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dear Waka Whanake,
    We read your describing sentences. The picture that you chose to describe was amazing! Do you really ride on top of elephants in New Zealand? We liked your sentences so much, that we created our own. Here are a couple sentences that we wrote:

    As I ride on top of the elephant, I feel like I'm the king of the jungle.

    If I was on top of the elephant, I would feel like I am flying.

    If I was a girl riding on a huge elephant, it will feel like it is soft, warm, and fuzzy like a horse.

    If I was that little girl on that huge, furry elephant, I would feel like I am on a high swing.

    As I ride on top of the African elephant, I hear birds singing in the breeze.

    Thank you for sharing your picture and describing sentences. It was a fun activity for us to do in our classroom too!

    Your blogging friends,
    Mrs. Barrett's Class
    Arizona, USA
    http://blogs.goaj.org/bbarrett

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Room 20. Alex has just shown me around the blog page. Great work.
    We were thinking about the vegetable garden, and how the kids wanted to plant potatoes and pumpkins, but it is the wrong time of the year, as it is harvest time now for these. We just harvested our pumpkins and have a spare one if you want it. We also harvested our potatoes, and still have more to dig up. If the kids want to come over to our house they are welcome to dig some up for the roast Whaea Tracey was planning.
    Alex's Mum

    ReplyDelete
  10. liked how wison was being kid by saying looking for a friend that's awesome

    ReplyDelete
  11. Tash Brasell- Zoeys MumMay 5, 2014 at 11:05 PM

    I love your sentences i could visualise each one! Well done!

    ReplyDelete